I was sent a devotional recently which talked about the Israelites fleeing Egypt, and coming against the great road-block of the Red Sea.
I identified with those people, who wondered in terror, what they had gotten themselves into, as they saw the great obstacle before them and heard the cries of their blood-thirsty enemies, and saw the clouds of dust as they approached - and there seemed no where to go... at that point, their old life looked pretty good, and they doubted the wisdom of their journey, crying out against Moses, maybe even God who had brought them there!
I've felt like that in past months, yearning for "the old" life - the life where we both had steady jobs, my health was better, oh, it is easy to remember all the sweetness and beauty of it, but I know down deep it was not perfect, and God had other plans...
And as he miraculously opened up the sea for His people, He also in His Way, His time, which is so mysterious, will open up to me, to us, what is the plan. Oh to completely trust, and to let go, and to move forward, without looking back.
I think about grief, and there can be grieving over many things... we have grieved deeply over my nephews death, just last year. In our family alone, there has been job losses, marriage breakdowns, cancer, all life-changing, and life-challenging. As we look back and remember, we tuck into our hearts the good memories that no one can ever take away.
Can I face tomorrow without fear? I think sometimes it is easy to feel shell-shocked, to set myself up for "what next",and the defenses become fragile. I've been told, post-heart-attack, that depression is not uncommon, I need to sort out what has happened, and find the courage to find myself again, to dust myself off, to learn to live well, and to accept that all of this wasn't my fault.
With all of this, good-byes are not easy - this week we wish our Karen well, as she starts a new life as a university student in Victoria. I do much better with "see you later", "talk to you soon"... I am fragile in the face of good-byes, of any change, of any perceived loss. And yet, one needs to celebrate life, new beginnings, to forge ahead and find the promise of bright tomorrows.
I will never forget the day I moved to Vernon, in the spring of 1996, and it seemed a million voices all had a word of advice for me, a grieving widow, and what I really wanted to figure out was where did GOD want me anyway? As I left Boston Bar, feeling deep physical AND emotional pain, we saw a rainbow - a double rainbow. It seemed to sit in the canyon, just waiting for me, and I knew at that point, that God was there. He was guiding me into my own unknown, where only He knew what was before me... there was safety in that!
The other day, the first day of my hubby's new business, born after fruitless job searches this past year, it poured rain, and we looked out the window, and there was the most enormous double rainbow, it seemed right over our house. I basked in it's presence, and felt again, as I let go of yesterdays, that God's promises are still true in all our tomorrows.