Limbo seems like a good way to describe it. We are in a time of waiting. In the waiting, we live, and watch, and in many ways life is on hold. As I write this, my mom remains in hospice, and has been there for a number of weeks. It has been a precious time, a challenging time, for her, and for the family.
When my first husband, Andy was dying, I remember feeling this way... that life as I knew it had stopped. And yet it kept on going! The sun kept shining, people around me were doing very normal things, work still needed to be done. There was a robotic sense of being. And there was a sense of waiting for what we really didn't want to happen. But the preparations were there; the journey unavoidable.
In my mind, I began to see it as an exploration... what is there for me to learn in this place of limbo? I have long believed that every day is a gift. But do I live that way? Not always. Do I see the treasures in this time of limbo? There have been many.
The care of friends and family has and is truly amazing. A sense of community and caring and loving. It is about celebrating life. And yet even here, in this place of waiting, it can be hard. There are constant questions, that are valid and come from a place of love and concern. My dad joked that we should just wear a placard so we didn't have to tell the story, again, and again. And yet, it also helps to tell the story... it is as if we need to explore what we feel, to explain it.
I know we are not alone. Hospice is a wonderful place. It has been another gift on this journey. Amazing, really, the care for the patient and for the family. But even here, there are expectations. And we really don't know the rest of the story, until it unfolds...as my mom's disease progresses, she has also rallied in many ways. She often does not feel sick. She is able to get up, to eat, to converse. So it is hard, some days, for her to be there. And sometimes difficult to understand. And yet we rejoice that she has another good day!
So much of life is about waiting. I was thinking today again about the Israelites in the wilderness... they too were on a journey, and they wanted to reach the destination! But there were lessons in the wilderness, and treasures too... sometimes we want to explain life away, to understand it all, but we live in the mystery of it. We don't understand the waiting, the challenges, and we dislike the unknowns, the questions.
And so I send this "postcard" in a form of a blog, in this time of waiting, from the land of limbo. Perhaps you are there too... We are fine. We are tired. We take comfort in knowing we are not alone. That there are friends and family who love and support us, some whom are on their own journeys. And we know that God above, is also the God within, that gives us strength for the journey, and He alone knows the final destination. And He also provides treasures along the way!